Tongue Biting...

Ah. All this blogging about , blogging boldly. Saying how I feel, being truthful and honest.

Right now, I am having to bite my tongue. Keep things in. All for the sake of love. Because I love and respect this man so much. That is what is different with me.

I don't normally take any crap from anyone. I took crap from one person in my life, someone who had all kinds of control over me, but normally, I do not take crap from ANYONE. You talk about me behind my back? I will ask you about it. Someone does something that was intended to be not so nice to me, or my family, I will call you on it.

This is NOT one of my flattering points. It is , quite immature, but a defense mechanism that makes me..well ME.

There have been so many occasions, where I have confronted another person, feeling my blood pressure rise and boil...and ask.."do you have issues with me?..really? well talk to ME about it.."

This ..this calmness...this holding back....this taking a few hours to think about it, is so different for me...it isn't even ME!

But love..love and respect. I have this greatly for someone ,and out of love and respect, I have bitten my tongue. I have held back. I have cried in silence, wondering what I have done to deserve THIS type of treatment by a person that I have done not a thing to. I keep me and my child to my/ourselves. Stay out of the way. Listen to this persons nasty comments, and shrug my shoulders.

While I may not take anything from anyone, I have a sensitive heart. I think that is WHY i dont take anything, because I don't like NASTY comments, i dont like people who talk about family and others behind each others back, I dont like liars, I dont like people who talk about people I LOVE....it infuriates me when this goes on and I just cant keep my mouth shut....until now..

How long can I go being this calm, mature, shoulder shrugging, Missy? I don't know. I really don't. While I have this GREAT, unimaginable Love and Respect for this person, I am still ME. At any moment my immature, non calm, not taking shit from anyone Missy, could appear.

Or I could be changed, by this Love..forever. Maybe this is the NEW Missy.