Whats on my mind?

Well it most certainly has been awhile since I last blogged! And so much has changed...I am NOT a fan of change. Never have been. Like I switching hairstyles, toe nail color, where to eat at..yeah those kind of changes are perfectly fine..the major type of life changes that I have been going through lately, are wonderful, but at the same time challenging and stressful.

So I am 26 weeks pregnant with another baby girl! Pregnancy is going great, though I have been extremely tired and my back and legs hurt, which I did not have with Aves. She looks great though, and other than my fatigue, leg and back pain I feel pretty good. I am due late September, and I have a feeling she is going to stick it out til the end.

We ( Zach and I ) after moving here and there, living with this person and that person, have finally gotten our own apartment..here where he is from. Its a huge adjustment for me, as well as my first time having my very own place, without Moms', sisters, brothers, aunts , uncles..ect ect..just my little family. I miss home, not going to lie, but such is life?

Which brings me to the next change, is that Zach is being deployed. I do not like to talk about it much, and it has pretty much sent me over the deep end. So he is going to leave in august pretty much, back in mid sept for a couple weeks then gone for like 10 months. Depressing. Whats going to happen? I dont know. We just got this place and I will be alone, with a newborn...and my 5 year old. What a joy, i get to raise my baby alone for a year. Do I sound bitter? well that is because I am. While I love Zach with everything I am, I do NOT love what he does and I wont ever. Its hard for HIM to digest that and understand, but I am NOT a supporter of war unless its very necessary..then its get it , get the job done, and get out...not staying there for 9 years.. I am not a fan of the government pretty much owning you for the rest of your life..and I could go on and on and on...Sometimes I feel like a closet-military hater, when its NOT THAT, I dont HATE our military, i hate how its ran, I hate war...I dont hate the people that sign up to do the job. As a matter of fact, I fell in love with someone who signed up to do the job, BUT I rarely view him as a soldier. When we lay in bed at night together, I am not kissing a soldier, its not a soldier that i see giving piggy back rides to my daughter, or walking hand in hand with at the park..I view him as Zach, a great man, a loving man, a man who takes care of me and my babies, who cuddles me at night and tells me I am beautiful all the time...that is who I fell in love with..the WORST comment I ever get it, * well you knew what you were getting into..* im sorry but in the process of falling in love that was THE LAST thing on my mind, and I dont really regret it either.
I suppose its something I have to deal with. who knows if I will be ABLE to deal with, IF we make it through this, which I am sure we will, our love is strong, then I know its not something I EVER want to have to go through again.

I am very passionate about my views on this, and I am leaving a lot out to try and be civil, but i am sure over the next year most of it will come out anyways. AND this is the most I have talked about this in a long time, so i suppose its good for my mental health.

I will prob lose a lot of support and friends over my posts, but arent we all entitled to our own opinions? Yeah we are. To each their own.