I had this whole idea of this blog I would make today, venting, telling my real true feelings of hurt and anger. Letting go all the emotions I hold back and letting it all out on this blog, complaining, whining, crying, making it very apparent just how mad I am at this world.
Then I got to thinking, how tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and even though it will be spent without my Ava, my first holiday without my very own child, I do still have a lot to be thankful for. Isn't that what this is all about, being thankful and realizing all that I do have in my life.
I am thankful that I have a healthy child, I am so thankful for the last four years I have had with her, I am thankful that she is able to tell me she loves me, I am thankful for when I tell her something she doesn't like and she is HERE to roll her eyes at me and do what i told her not to do in the first place. I am thankful that she is HERE to wake me up in the middle of the night because some of her leg is sticking out of the covers, and she needs ME, her mommy, to cover it back for her because she just has to wake ME up from my sleep to do it. Thank you GOD for letting her be here to drive me just a little bit crazy with her humming and singing all day long. I am so thankful that I have the sweetest little girl, with the sweetest little voice, the cutest little pigtails, the most beautiful blue eyes and the biggest little heart.
I am so thankful that I have someone that really loves me, for me. The good moods, the bad moods, the tears, the laughs. He still loves me when I mess up dinner, wash his wallet, when i catch his fav sweatshirt on fire, and even when at times I think I just PUSH his buttons just to see how he will react, ( i dont think i do this on purpose) he still just loves me. Sure we have our little arguments over chicken, political parties, movies, but it is just that...little arguments..and those arguments show me that you can disagree and still be in love through it and he will still come to bed and hold me all night long, I am thankful that he comes to my parents house, drives the two hours with me every two weeks just to make me happy, doesn't complain about it. I am so thankful for the support he gives me, he is my rock. He gives me motivation, knows when to push me and when to back off..i am thankful for his most amazing smile, his calming voice, I am so thankful that he treats my Ava as good as he does. I am so thankful that he loves her and gives her just as much love and hugs as I do. I am thankful that he has given ava and i a stable, safe place to stay until we can get our own place. I am thankful for all the times he tells me "hey you look really pretty today"...melts my heart, and makes me feel so good. I am thankful that he lets me *twirl* his *hair* at night until i fall asleep, I am just so thankful for his pure, true love. It has only been 6 months, but it feels like I have been ( or maybe should have been ) with him for a very long long time.
I am thankful for my Mom, no matter what she is also there for me. No matter how much we fight she still is there for me when i need her. I am so thankful that for the most part the ones I love are healthy and happy. I am thankful I am not starving or dying of some terrible disease, I am thankful that I have clothes to wear, shoes to put on, and ways to keep warm. I am thankful that I have a car that gets me around for the first time ever, I am thankful for my friends that listen to me, and show their concern and offer their advice when I need it.
So thank you Ava, Zach, Mom and friends for being there for me and keeping me going.
